If someone had told me I’d be writing this (now), I’d have laughed hard at them because I am still learning and I really didn’t think I’d be in the best position to write this since I still have a long way to go. Whatever though, I’ll write still.
I turned thirty (30) recently. Thirty! That big number. Such a big age. LOL. I was only born yesterday. Just Kidding. It’s been a roller-coaster of emotions and mixed feelings and I only just started to accept the fact that I just reached another milestone age and I will have to be it and live it for at least 365 days.
I have lived quite an eventful and uneventful life up to this point and it's been one long journey. The experiences, the growth, the losses, the wins, the failures, the expressions of love and the withholding of same; everything that has built this guy up to this point is not taken for granted, I mean, these experiences shaped - and is still shaping - me.
In a summary as much as I can, I’ll outline some lessons I have learnt (and still learning) in the days leading to my thirtieth year on the face of the earth - no mean feat if you ask me.
A couple of people might have differing opinions on some of these lessons and to be very sincere I really do not give a damn about that… Just kidding! I do, however, there is really nothing I can do to help you.
PS: I hope my kids get to see this and whatever they learn (or do not learn) from it is totally okay with me.
To understand this, just follow. No. 1 is K (for constant) and then in no particular order from No.2 - No.30.
KNOW (and Love) GOD - I will not start a long description of who God is (to me). I believe you will (if you haven’t yet) found him. He will and cannot be ignored ever. You can see Him in everything, In love, in colors, in people, In things, in experiences, in dramatic turn of events, in miracles, in everything. I am glad He found me. I’d let you discover Him for yourself. This should be the singular most important thing in your life pre-thirty or post-thirty or whatever! just know God! PS: God knows you, and loves you, lucky you! **inserts big smiley face** PsPs: To know more of Him, buzz me asap….
HAVE LOVE - This cannot be overemphasized. As much as many will disagree, the lack and scarcity of it is unarguably the sole cause of all the problems we face in the world right now. Imagine a world with loving people, just imagine what we can make of it, just imagine - and that's totally okay to do now pending the actualization of that kind of world. As simple as it may sound or seem, it is about the hardest thing to really do. Many people are finding it hard to love themselves and that translates to the amount of hate they give out in/ to the world. However, since you cannot give what you do not have I believe we should all work hard to love (ourselves first and others like us), give love, receive love and totally eliminate the hate of one another from our minds. This won’t go without the saying ‘It starts from you and me’.
HAVE HOPE - The number of suicide cases in the world have certainly more than doubled in the last ten years, more so, the number of Nigerians dying by suicide - or attempting it - have since increased by far from what it is used to be. This boils down to one thing - hopelessness. There are so many reasons why we lose hope and why we really need to find it and keep it. Losing a friend to suicide sometime in 2012 gave me a deep insight to why hope is very important in life, how hard it is to find and how easy it is to lose. I pray we always find hope in times of need and keep it.
LEARN TO KEEP THE NOISE OUT - There are so many things vying for your attention. It is very important to keep your sanity as these things show up, so it is quite necessary to sieve everything you let into your space starting from people to things, ideas, experiences, and all that stuff. If you let everything or just anything enter into your space, the virus of things whatever they may be will surely find their way in too, and that can totally corrupt your life. Edit, re-edit, sieve, prune, check, re-check, make sure the noise is kept out. Only accept what is positive and helps your growth process.
FAILING is a normal phenomenon (Being a failure is not) - I am sure we all know that some of the greatest people who live(d) were known to fail repeatedly, however they never stopped trying. We were told of a certain scientist who tried a particular thing more than a thousand times and failed before he eventually got it right (I always wondered who was counting). It’s good to fail and to try again and again and again. You should also know that very few people got it right on their first trial. Most of the professionals and experts in their various fields failed countless times before their eventual mastery. I have failed so many times I have lost count, regardless I still try. My point is, failing is not a problem, giving up and remaining a failure is. Fall down 1000 times, get up 1001, cheers to that.
LEARN TO COOK - Yes you heard me right. If you are one of those people who think only women belong to the kitchen you are definitely not okay, close my blog and go pray to God for wisdom cause apparently you lack it. If you eat food, you should know how to cook food. Look at Esau, the foolish lad had to sell his birthright for a plate of some delicious bush meat pepper soup. Really though, learning to cook has many advantages and not knowing how to cook and not bothering to learn says one thing, you are not serious. Dude! I’m sure you don’t want another brother serving her breakfast in bed, and ladies don’t let your man sell his “birthright” to another sister who doesn’t deserve it just because of fooooooooooooood!!!! You need food to survive and without knowing how to cook you won’t survive. Just joking, but you better learn how to cook.
LEARNING TO SAY “SORRY” - I learnt to say sorry the hard way. I lost chances, opportunities, relationships and so many other amazing things all because I couldn’t (or didn’t) say sorry. The truth is not saying sorry - whether you are wrong or right - grows from a tree called Pride. Whatever way we choose to look at it, saying sorry doesn’t take anything from us - well, in most cases. Apologizing where you are wrong or when the situation demands it saves us from alot and I’m sure you know that by now or you’d soon discover. I didn’t learn to apologize early until it was quite late, but as they say, better late than never.
PEOPLE GO - Read that again. Yes, people go, for whatever reason, they leave. They leave your heart, they leave your world, they leave the world, people die. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier for you to move on. The number of heartbreaks, deaths, up-ing and leav-ing, disappearances etc that I have known, I have come to realize that these things happen and most of the time it isn’t always your faulty. This is the reality of things, and the usual circle of life. Don’t beat yourself up, just dust yourself up and move on. MOVE ON!!!!
MIND YOUR ANGER: There are so many mad people in the world today, especially in this part of the earth where we live. It is also very easy to fall into that category if you let yourself slip. Road rage, murders, murder attempts and all sorts are deeply rooted and fall under the same ‘whatsapp group’ which is ANGER. Anger has made people do the unthinkable and they almost always regret their actions.
“Anger rests in the belly of fools” Eccl 7:9 (KJV).
Apart from being seen as a mad person, anger makes you a big fool. It is okay to get angry, staying angry is another different thing entirely. If you want to know some of the outcomes of anger, take a day off and let’s have that conversation. Before then, run away from anything that can make you angry.
CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY: All sentiments aside, your friends I.e people in your closest circle, are a reflection of who you are one way or another and believe It or not, these people play a big role in shaping who you eventually turn out to be. I can’t begin to outline the importance of having the right circle of friends in your corner, however, you don’t want to find out the disadvantages of having the wrong group of friends (many people don’t survive it). You should carefully select the people you choose to call your friends. I wish you the best with that decision.
NOTE:
Take your time to assimilate what you’ve just read or discard it as deemed fit. I am soaking in the reality of being 30 and I am trying my possible best to enjoy every single day that comes with this new year. Do I fail sometimes? Yes. Many times in fact, Will I stop trying? No. Never. There is so much to learn and unlearn and I am sincerely open to these experiences. This is the first part of a 3 part ‘30 lessons before 30’ inspiration guide. Till next time, stay healthy, take care, drink water and mind your gaddamn business dammit!
Love,
Imogie Berg.
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