Many people are familiar with the fear of losing. In fact, man as a competitive being is always pushing to achieve some sort of self-actualization, attainment, or advancement in the different facets of life; always finding it necessary to surmount challenges and win the battles they encounter along the way.
On the other hand, there is a phenomenon that is called the “fear of winning.” As hard as it is to accept for some people, it remains the ‘elephant in the room’ on the path to achieving one’s life purpose.
The fear of winning is known as "achievemephobia" or "success phobia. "It is a psychological condition in which a person is so afraid to win, achieve success or reach set goals.
Abraham Maslow an American psychologist referred to this phenomenon as the “Jonah Complex” after the Biblical prophet Jonah’s evasion of the destiny to prophesy the destruction of Nineveh. The Jonah complex is often seen in people who are afraid of fulfilling their potential or achieving success. These people go ahead to sabotage their own success consciously or unconsciously by avoiding challenges, making excuses or procrastinating.
Have you ever felt shock, surprise, or found it unbelievable when you won a game, got a distinction in your exam, or took first place in a race? That feeling when you win (even though you clearly know you are a genius) is a combination of dissipating anxiety, motivation, surprise and yes, fear. Paint this picture of you before... let's say... a race, and you, the reigning world's fastest runner for three (3) years with gold medals to show for it and a lot of pressmen with focused lenses on you as you squat to tie your shoelaces and get on your marks for this race; everyone is watching; emotions, soul, and a deep longing to win is capsuled into sweat drops now trickling down your face as your heart thumps through your chest like speakers in full blast; you wait for the sound of the umpire's gun like it is the signal to the beginning or ending of your life.
The race is over.
You won.
You don't believe it. You are still the world's fastest human being, and the next person behind you is five seconds behind.
You knew you could but you weren't sure you would, and now that you did you aren't sure what comes next - and even though you've been there before, it still feels brand new.
The fear of winning is a "thing", and many people do not know it or even want to own up to the fact that they are scared to win. It is especially common in competitive settings and is characterized by a fear of success or achievement and can be seen in a variety of ways, including self-sabotage, avoidance, and negative self-talk.
One of the main reasons why people may fear winning is because they are afraid of the expectations that come with success. Many people work so hard to win and then don't believe they are actually worth the win, they worry that they will not be able to live up to the high standards that others have set for them or that they have set for themselves. This fear of failing (or winning) can be so strong that it prevents people from even trying to succeed.
Some people fear winning because of the changes associated with winning; this may lead to a new dimension for opportunities, new responsibilities, and the newly unlocked level of visibility that comes with it can be intimidating or overwhelming for some people. They also worry that they might not be able to handle these changes or that they will lose the things that they value most in life, especially their privacy.
The willingness to face one's fears and take risks helps to overcome - in many cases - the fear of winning (and losing) this could be by setting realistic goals, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support from others – even though this has a clause to it, it is important. It may also involve challenging negative beliefs and replacing them with more positive empowering ones. With time and effort it is possible for one to overcome the fear of winning and achieve success in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling.
During film school, some of us, the brightest and most talented students in class (yes, I was among them 😄) were selected to feature in a film that was in production at the time. Miss Cee (not real names) was given a major role and she was to act alongside the big names she had only heard of and seen on TV, this was her time to shine and break into mainstream; and then it happened, on her first appearance, she was terrified, shaken to her core, tears running down her eyes she could barely utter a word in her lines at "Action!" What had happened?
She was struck with fear.
She had worked so hard to get "here" but she didn't think she was ready because she didn't expect to be "here" so soon.
Of course she lost the role and the opportunity to shine, and even though she has now grown to be one of the best in the industry today, she let a big opportunity slip through her fingers and I’m sure she regretted it for a little while.
My point is, fear in itself does a lot more harm than good. You can do it, you know you can, you just have to be willing to try (I tell myself this all the time). This is something I try to remember every time using phone reminders, sticky notes, prompts, podcasts, everything. I always remind myself why i must do it.
People are of the opinion that experiences are mostly useful when applied to present contexts and situations to get desired results. Say yes, and do it.
I have found myself in doubtful situations (even though I clearly knew what I was doing), I wouldn't stop till the desired results were achieved.
Many times I get a bullet-speed atom of self-doubt but I never let it stay or grow roots. I always tell myself to do it, even if I’m afraid I try not to let fear stop me, I’d rather let it fuel me.
Easier said than done right? Yeah. However, it is good and beneficial to try. With therapy, coaching, self-reflection and challenging negative thought patterns, one can slowly build back self-confidence and resilience, the two most important factors in this journey of self-actualization.
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